Common App Announces 2019-20 Essay Prompts

. . .And once again, they will remain the same.  The Common Application says they are keeping the essay prompts the same because feedback from users is that the existing prompts have allowed for maximum flexibility for students.  This also allows counselors and students to use the rollover function on their accounts and allows counselors to continue to use the same resources from past years.  I agree.  This makes things a lot easier on all of us.

Here are the 2019-2020 Common Application Prompts (unchanged from last year):

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

4. Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma – anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.

5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

I like these prompts.  I think they allow for students to write just about anything about themselves and fit the essay under one of the questions.  And if their essay doesn’t naturally fit under the first six, then it most certainly will fit under the catchall number 7, which incidentally was the most popular essay choice by students in this past year at 24.1%.  The second most popular choice for students was number 5 at 23.7%. This is one of my personal favorites as I like essays that demonstrate growth mentally, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually or otherwise.  The third most popular essay in the 2018-19 cycle was #2, which also provides a good opportunity to demonstrate a period of growth.

Now that the Common App essay prompts are set for the 2019-20 application cycle, it’s not too early to start thinking about the application process itself, especially if your child is considering applications to Ivy league and Highly Selective schools, which will require not just this essay, but often complex supplemental essays as well.  Even selective state schools such as Michigan and Wisconsin often require as many as five essays to their schools of business and engineering.

In most cases, I find that it takes longer to write the Common App essay than it does to complete the supplemental essays.  I find that it is important to start the Common App essay writing process as early as possible, and I recommend starting immediately after the completion of junior year. For my clients, I begin with a workbook I have created that I ask my students to thoughtfully complete.  It is designed to get students to think as deeply as possible about events in their lives, and their thoughts, and to start to write down concepts that might be used as the basis for threads in their essay.  I then conduct a private brainstorming session with each of my clients that feels like part counseling session and part idea mapping. By the end of that session, they will have a fully mapped out concept for the first draft of their common app essay.

In future blogs, I will explore other aspects of the writing process I employ with my students, as well as my thoughts and philosophy about college essays.  It is more complex than you might imagine.

Before students even get to thinking about their essays, there is much else for juniors to be doing this spring.  ACT and SAT test prep, and test taking for one.  College list generation, at least at a preliminary level.  Some college visits, also at least at a preliminary level.  Spring break of junior year is my personal favorite time to get in a few good visits.  Parents, you might start looking at your estimated family contribution at some schools.  If you are new to this, you might want to consider sitting down before you do.

If you are interested in hearing more about how I can help your family put an individualized plan into place for your student to achieve their college goals, I offer complimentary 20 minute phone consultations.  Please email sue.oconnell@comcast.net for more information. 

 

 

 

 

 

My Thoughts on the New Year, for What it’s Worth

As one year ends and a new one begins, we all encounter the inevitable barrage of social media posts marking the passage of time.  A lot of you are on beautiful vacations right now! Some of you are celebrating milestones such as getting married or marking years of sobriety. Others are grieving the loss of loved ones, newly departed or long gone.

On CBS Sunday Morning last weekend, they presented their annual homage to all of the notable (to them) folks who had died this past year in fields ranging from the arts, journalism, and business, to entertainment and sports. They even included the father of some high school friends of mine.  To me, he was their dad in the crazy colored sport jackets, but to the rest of the world he was the well known hockey player Stan Mikita. It struck me how much all of those individuals had contributed to the world as we know it.  How much their contributions to life in some way affected us all.

That then got me thinking about how we all leave a mark on this world in some way.  For some of us, our impact is small, and local, maybe just within our family.  For others, it is larger. But, whatever the size of the ripple, it creates an impact nonetheless, and we have no idea how the effect of that ripple will resonate and be passed along from year to year and person to person.  I think of things like that when I do something as small as make my mother’s peanut butter cookies at Christmas. That recipe could have died with her, but now I hope I have passed along the love to my children, who will then associate Christmas with their mom’s peanut butter cookies and make it for their children in the years to come.  I also think about my legacy as I work with teenagers to help them reach their dreams.  I hope that someday they will think back to some small thing I said, some advice or words of encouragement, that made a difference in their life in a positive way.

In all this year end contemplation, I have been unable to label 2018 as either a “good year” or a “bad year” for me.  In years past, that pronouncement has come relatively easily to me.  THIS was a great year, I would think to myself.  Or in trying years: I can’t wait for this year to end and for a much better new year to begin. All I could think about as 2018 ended was that this was a year very typical of life itself.

Some tragic things happened this year, including the loss of a young child of friends I care about deeply.  Others have left us as well, such as the kind soul who was one of my husband’s bandmates, and a dear Auntie of mine who always made me feel special. Some things have weighed heavily on my heart, such as my father continuing to choose not to have a relationship with me, and other relationships that continue to be more trying than they need to be. There have been times this year when I have felt alone and without emotional support, and there have been times that have shown me who I can count on and who I, sadly, cannot.

2018 also showed me that the effort I have put in year after year on my own personal development, as well as that of my business, has begun to reap benefits. While I still often struggle to pay my bills and there is much more to be done, I increased the income of my college counseling and success coaching business by a whopping 98% this year and tripled the number of clients I served, all through recommendations and referrals. More importantly than that, I truly love what I do and love working with both teenagers and adults. It has taken me 30 years of working full time and 4 complete career changes, but I finally found the profession that makes my heart sing.

I was faithful with my chiropractic visits this year and, for the most part, feel a lot better and younger than I have in recent years.  I still struggle with almost daily migraines, and had a health scare at the end of the year that threw me off balance for a few weeks.  I have cut down on sugar and carbs, but still struggle with being consistent with that, and with finding time for not only exercise, but for self care in just about any form.  That’s a constant challenge for me and has been my entire adult life.

I have been proud of some accomplishments this year though.  I have read more and written more, and worked on some long standing limiting beliefs I have held about both money and about my worth. It has been slow to move the blocks, but I feel them shifting.

I have always made it a priority to spend quality time with my kids, but have kicked up my efforts in recent years, knowing that time is short before they will all be grown and busy with their own lives. Each moment together this year has truly been a gift.  I found a way to take them on, not one, but two vacations this year, including one on a plane, marking the first time since I got divorced in 2005 that I flew with my children. That may not sound like much to anyone else, but I was proud to make it happen. My husband and I also took our first vacation together that was longer than 5 days.  We spent a whopping 10 days in Hawaii back in September, celebrating a 3-year-delayed honeymoon and his 60th birthday. That was long a bucket list spot for me, and is one of my happiest memories of this past year.

Just as life offers good and bad, challenges and ease, tragedy and exhilaration, so goes 2018. And as 2018 ended, so began 2019. We celebrated my daughter’s 21st birthday on January 1st with a lovely brunch. Family and dear friends came. My darling 1 year old niece lit up the room as she always does. And my daughter’s friends sat around our dining room table for four hours drinking mimosas and talking and laughing.  It made my heart happy.  We woke up the following morning to the news that my husband’s mother had passed away after a long battle with Alzheimer’s disease. It saddens me that I never had the opportunity to know her before that terrible disease took her essence.  That same day, I drove with my son to the campus of Ohio State University to clean out his dorm room and drive home. Early in his first semester there, he decided that the fit was not right for him, so he will be attending classes locally this spring and transferring in the fall.

So, I look to 2019 without making resolutions.  I’ve never been much for New Year’s resolutions anyway.  They have always seemed too general or contrived to me, I guess. I have always preferred to make monthly goals and daily goals and grind away at improvement and progress in smaller chunks.  I toyed with the idea of setting a “word of the year” for myself.  I’ve done that in the past, but that has never really felt quite right for me either.  I have many expectations for myself this year, though, and I want this year to be “better.”  I want it to be easier, I guess.  Don’t we all? But I also know that it will be much like every other year. Things will be gained. Maybe the Bears will win the Super Bowl! And other things and people will be lost. There will be happy days, and there will be tears shed, no doubt.  Through it all, I hope that we will all battle less and support more, talk less and listen more, dig deep within ourselves to fight our demons and bring out the best in ourselves, for ourselves and for others too. More than anything, I have the same wish for myself that I do for all of us: That we will have the strength to persevere, no matter what the year ahead holds.

 

 

 

Why Being a College Counselor didn’t Make my Son’s College Search any Easier

If you know me personally, then you know that while I have been working with the most recent high school graduating class, I have also been working with my own son (my second child) on his college search. While my daughter knew in September of her senior year that she had gotten in to the school she ultimately chose to attend, my son’s process was a lot more complicated.

He is a runner and was determined to get a Division 1 running slot. And not just any Division 1 running slot. My son had his mind set on a handful of schools that met a set of very personal criteria that he had for himself. We began talking to coaches during his junior year and even had a few unofficial visits that year.

Senior year came with high expectations. And then he struggled with fueling issues, followed by acute bronchitis during his cross country season, which ended far below the goals he had set for himself. Track season brought a more healthy period, but not the times he had hoped to hit. It happens.

His admission acceptances began to come in, and he continued to talk to coaches, but nothing was set in stone. Other kids were signing Letters of Intent, and non athletes were accepting and signing up for housing. May 1st came along and he still did not have a commitment from a coach, so he had no definitive decision on where he would attend. I posted pictures of a number of my clients in their college t-shirts, but my own son did not wear a college t-shirt to the designated college shirt day at his high school. He did not meet up with his elementary school classmates in their college shirts at their old school the day before graduation. And I did not buy the personalized college banner that our high school displays around the football field at graduation.

Through all of this, my son never showed his stress and I tried not to show mine. And then this week, it finally happened. He accepted a formal offer to run cross country and track at The Ohio State University. He’s happy, so I’m happy.

I tell you all this as an illustration that finding the right college is not always a straight line process. Sometimes, a student will apply to a school, get in, go visit for a weekend and come home knowing it is “the place,” like my daughter. And sometimes, you won’t know until June where your student is going. Some kids go to orientation and come home knowing it is not the right fit. Some kids go to a college for a semester or a year and want to transfer. Or have some personal issues that cause them to need some time off. Some kids change their minds about a major and have to transfer in order to achieve their goals. Things don’t always end up the way you think they will, and it’s ALL OKAY. Each student has his or her own unique path and hopefully, with our support, they will all find their way.

As for us, I now have a Hawkeye and a Buckeye, and my third child now thinks he needs to find another “eye” school!

How to Make the Most of the End of Summer in the College Search Process

Like it does every year, this summer flew by in a blur.  It feels like we just exhaled that first breath of relief that the summer was upon us and . . .whoosh. . .now we are counting down the days …

Source: How to Make the Most of the End of Summer in the College Search Process

How to Make the Most of the End of Summer in the College Search Process

Like it does every year, this summer flew by in a blur.  It feels like we just exhaled that first breath of relief that the summer was upon us and . . .whoosh. . .now we are counting down the days until the kids go back to school. For me, the end of the summer is particularly bittersweet as my oldest child, my only daughter, is heading off to college for the first time.

But not quite yet!

There are still lists to check off and to-dos to be done.  And now that the pressure is on, we’re doing it all at a feverish pace.  Likewise, there is still plenty of time to take some important steps in the college search process before the fall duties of homework, sports, and club activities start to pile on to the plate.

Here is a short list of some things you and your high school student can do in the next few weeks that will pay huge dividends in the long run:

If you have an incoming Freshman:

1. Impress upon your student the importance of doing well academically in their freshman year.  Remember that colleges, for the most part, weigh your student’s academic record only through the second semester of junior year. One bad semester freshman year can hit the GPA hard and it can be very difficult to dig out in 6 short semesters.

2. Encourage your freshman to pursue a passion or explore a new interest from day one.  It is a great way to meet new friends, first and foremost, and can also lead to achievement and leadership and the depth of involvement that college admissions offices like to see.

3. Don’t bury your student in all Honors classes in their first semester. It is important to help them to begin to discern what subject areas are their favorites.  If they feel up to the challenge, try Honors level courses in those subjects first. Colleges want to see a curriculum that builds in challenge and grades that improve over time. It is better to start with fewer Honors courses and add them over time in favorite subjects.

4. Begin now to look at your finances with the FAFSA in mind. Planning can be done now to increase your odds of eligibility.

If you have a rising Sophomore:

1. Encourage deeper involvement in academic and extracurricular areas of interest. Colleges are increasingly steering away from applications that show a ton of activities but no deep involvement or true engagement with any of them, and looking more favorably at students who have more narrow, but authentic and truly committed involvement in sports and activities.

2. Start to make informal college visits, but no need to spend a fortune. If that close family friend or grandma’s house is near a school, hop off the highway and drive through the campus. My family’s routine is to park and walk the campus, stopping at the bookstore for some shopping (each kid gets to buy one thing!) and at the student union for a bite to eat. We have been doing this since my kids have been in middle school. Trust me, it makes the college search process a lot easier if they have been on some college campuses and can begin to articulate what they like.

2. Make sure that your student has a balanced schedule that shows an increase in challenge level as well as the opportunity to show an increasing GPA.

If you have a rising Junior:

1. If your student is a student athlete who would like to compete at the college level, this is the time to register with the NCAA and begin official coach contacts.

2. This is also the time to start to formulate the beginnings of a college list.

3. Plan for opportunities for “official” campus visits.  Look for weekends without sports competitions to plan a visit. Our area high school has one homework free weekend in October. Another good time for a college visit! And Spring Break of Junior year is a popular time to knock off a succession of visits.

4. Institute a plan for taking the ACT and/or SAT. Which test(s) a student takes, when a student takes the tests, whether or not they use a paid tutor, and how many times they take the test needs to be an individualized approach for each student based upon their unique circumstances.

If you have a rising Senior:

1. Have someone review your student’s essay(s) and have your student rewrite and rewrite and rewrite. It is harder to concentrate on this when they are also balancing their course work and applications, so this is a great thing to do in the next few weeks! Emphasize authenticity.

2. Finalize the college list, check application deadlines and put together a tracking system to make things easier to remember, and formulate a strategic plan for the timing of applications.  I always recommend that seniors do one application to a school that is a “definite” BEFORE Labor Day.

3. Determine if one last round of tests need to be taken in September.

4. Gather your family’s financial aid documentation. This year, the first date that the FAFSA may be filed has been moved earlier to October 1st (for aid for 2017).

5. Take a collective family deep breath, understand that the first semester of senior year can be very stressful, and understand that this year is going to fly by in a blur of “lasts.”  It will all be okay.  There is a college for everyone and great colleges are both in our own backyard and all across the country.

And of course, it is never too early to hire a private college counselor.  I work closely with the advisors at my clients’ high schools to insure that my services augment, not compete with, the services that the school offers.  We all need a little extra help, whether it is with curriculum planning, some motivational talk, strategic planning of the list and application process, review and editing of the essay, athletic recruiting contacts, or advice about the FAFSA.  Email sue.oconnell@comcast.net or call 630.302.6582 for your appointment now.  

Sue O’Connell, J.D., College Search Counseling and Success Coaching

sue.oconnell@comcast.net

630.302.6582

Taking the Intimidation out of the College Search Process

My first words of advice to all of you beginning the process in earnest now is “Relax.” This is not a sprint. It’s not even a marathon. It’s more like a journey through a…

Source: Taking the Intimidation out of the College Search Process

Taking the Intimidation out of the College Search Process

Aside from May Day, do you know what May 1st is?  For those of us with high school seniors and for those who have already been through the college search and acceptance process, we all know well!  May 1st is National College Acceptance Day. It’s the day in the cycle when high school seniors across the nation must decide where they will attend college the following August, and it’s the day when the deposit must be paid to indicate a student’s commitment to attending.

My daughter’s high school commemorates this day with “College T-shirt Day.”  All the seniors wear their college T-shirts to school so everyone can see where they have chosen to attend. My daughter and her friends added the special touch of a before school breakfast and photo session. This was a big and exciting day for them – a real right of passage.  And it was a similar right of passage day for the juniors behind them, for as one class completes the cycle of the college search process, the next class begins anew.

As with the beginning of any new process, it can seem overwhelming at first.  How do we begin? What do we do? How do we choose?

I do college search counseling for a living, so I understand the anxiety.  It IS an overwhelming process. There is so much information out there. There is guidance to be had, for sure, but even that guidance can seem overwhelming at first.  My first words of advice to all of you beginning the process in earnest now is “Relax.”  This is not a sprint. It’s not even a marathon. It’s more like a journey through a forest of beautiful trees and flowers. Stop and savor each moment along the way. Trust me, you don’t want to ruin your student’s last year at home with anxiety, insecurity and fighting. The answers will become more apparent as the journey goes on, and eventually you will reach a pasture and it will all be clear.

 

When beginning the search process, there are a handful of foundational considerations to keep in the forefront of your minds as a family. Today is a good day to start the conversations.

What are the financial considerations of the family?  Is money a major issue for the family or is it a lesser factor? Will the family have multiple students attending college at the same time? Is financial aid an option? Does the family have funds saved for college?

Does the student know what he or she wants to study? How firm is that academic interest? Is the academic interest something that can only be found at a large institution? Is the academic interest something that can only be found at a specialized institution? What is the backup plan if the student changes his/her mind during college?

Does the student enjoy an urban, suburban, or rural atmosphere? Starting college visits early can help to narrow this down, and college visits do not have to be made across the country to start this discussion.  Begin with visits in your own state just to get this conversation going.

What kind of social environment does your student think they want? Is your student interested in a sorority or fraternity? Does your student look forward to an atmosphere different from the high school they attended (more diverse perhaps?) Does your student want a more serious and studious atmosphere or does your student enjoy a “party school” atmosphere? It’s time for some honest conversations.

Does your student hope to play Intercollegiate Athletics? This is a process all unto itself. Division I, II or III? Do you need the assistance of a recruiting company? Do your student’s coaches have a good network?

Do you have the resources you need to make this decision? How comprehensive is your student’s high school counseling department? Do you need to hire a private counselor to augment the work of your school’s counselors? Does your student need help writing the college essay? Will your student need ACT/SAT Prep work? Do you need a third party to mediate the expectations within the family unit?

So, take a deep breath and relax. I can promise you that the year ahead will be an adventure for both you and your student, but it can be fulfilling and even fun.

Sue O’Connell, J.D., College Search Counseling and Success Coaching sue.oconnell@comcast.net

 

 

 

 

Reflections on the Death and Art of David Bowie

Like many people, I was shocked and saddened to hear of the death of David Bowie two weeks ago. I vividly recall a time when I was maybe eight or ten years old, sitting on the floor cross legged, mesmerized and fascinated by David Bowie on television performing Space Oddity. Even at a young age, though, he never struck me as “odd.”

Maybe that is because I was raised in a household that, while very conventional on the outside, was very encouraging of difference and creative expression.  At this same time in my life, my mother was a Jewish divorced working mom, paving a rather feminist path in the completely (then) male dominated field of fashion design. My mom was both artistic and tough, so tough that she was nicknamed “Rocky” by her male colleagues as a shortened version of her name Rosalind. Later, my mom met and married my stepfather, who was and is an Iraqi surgeon.  He too always sought a higher understanding beyond what was expected of him culturally, always reading and searching and learning, and ultimately dubbing himself “a yogi trapped in the body of an Orthopaedic Surgeon.”  Even my brother was a poet, writer, artist and profound thinker, before the demons that drove his creativity would drag him into the world of drugs that ultimately claimed his life.  

My sister and I are definitely the most outwardly “conventional” of our family.  Despite that, I always welcomed being different and chose to spend time with people who were at least as different as I, often much more so.  I always craved spending time around the free spirits, artists, musicians, and those who paved their own special paths in life.  After David Bowie died, one of my Facebook friends commented that Bowie had shown him that it was okay to embrace his own weirdness, and I would imagine that a lot of people in my circle of friends could have said that.

Bowie’s music was never just about the music.  It was as much about his costuming and makeup, his movements, facial expressions and the messages in his lyrics.  It was the all encompassing ART of what he did that spoke to us.  And he did it in such an uncompromising way that we felt that it was okay to be whatever we were on the inside too.  Weird or not.

Years after my mother married my stepfather, she went back to college to get a Bachelors of Fine Arts Degree from the School of the Art Institute, after which she became an acclaimed artist in the Chicago area before becoming ill with a rare degenerative neurological disease.  

While my mom was still physically able to paint, she threw herself into her art, often almost obsessively.  She painted large, colorful, narrative pieces that reflected her feelings about race, culture and religion, gender roles and social status. As her illness slowly took away her ability to move, her work began to reflect her feelings about her own immortality.  She rarely spoke of the process of dying and, yet, as we look back on her art during that time, we can see the obvious signs that she was thinking about it.  Images of heaven and clouds, more obvious religious imagery and reflections of members of our family who had already passed away became common elements in her pieces.

Likewise, we all know that David Bowie released his final musical gift to us on his birthday, a mere few days before his death.  On that album we find the song “Lazarus” and its accompanying music video.  If you haven’t yet seen it, I urge you to do so as it is vivid and moving.  Clearly foreshadowing his imminent death, he writhes on what appears to be a death bed and states “look at me, I’m in heaven.”  What struck me in his video and in my mother’s artwork years ago, was that both dispense with the illusions of pretty appearances. My mother was always one to look her best, and yet as she became more and more ill, she did not sugar coat her deteriorating appearance in her artwork. Similarly, Bowie does not hide his illness behind colorful makeup and costuming.  Death is not pretty. And as my mother used symbolism throughout her artwork, so does Bowie in his “Lazarus” video: his eyes are covered, representing the not seeing/knowing where he is going; a hypodermic needle possibly representing his illness can be seen; and his appearance and disappearance through an armoire as if magically coming and going is prominently featured.  

While my mother’s illness was very obvious, she never really discussed what it was like to know she was dying.  Bowie, too, must have known for quite a while that he was dying and yet never made that information public.  Was there something inside both of them that caused them to take all of their introspection and pour it into their art?  Was that the only way they knew how to express their thoughts? Bowie’s last album was clearly a gift to the world. At a more local level my mom, too, viewed her art as a gift to others.  She wanted it to be seen and appreciated long after she was gone. They both clearly knew that their art was their legacy. What a gift.

I welcome your thoughts on this reflection.

Sue O’Connell, J.D., College Search Counseling and Success Coaching

 

Nine Things to do in the Last 9 Days of the Year to Ensure the Best New Year Ever

New Year’s Resolutions are all fine and good, but how many of you really keep them past the first week or two?  I have had years where I resolved to diet and exercise and then didn’t even make it through New Year’s Day.

So this year, I’m trying something different and concentrating on concrete action items that will ensure that 2016 is the best year yet!  And as my gift to you, I’m passing along my ideas.  Here are Nine things you can start to implement in the last 9 days of the year to ensure YOUR best year ever!

1. Give away more than just Christmas Gifts. As You put away your Christmas decorations, use the time as an opportunity to purge unwanted items that are still in good condition. Make a stack of not only holiday decorations but other items you come across, especially in your closet.  A good rule of thumb is that if you haven’t worn it in the past year, get rid of it. And if you need a great place to donate your items, try Sharing Connections in Downers Grove, Illinois (www.sharingconnections.org)  What I love about this organization is that they serve individuals in transition (such as out of domestic abuse or homelessness) and they have a “store” where clients can shop for items for free and with dignity.  Nothing will start your year in a better way than giving to those in need.
2. If it’s not nice enough to give away, then toss it!  Decluttering is all the rage now. Pick up a copy of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo.  She recommends decluttering by category as opposed to by room.  Toys the kids have outgrown? Books?  Free your space and free your mind.
3. Spend time with those who are a support to you. Sure, we all have our obligatory holiday gatherings with people we could do without. That’s why it’s even more important to go the extra mile to arrange time with people who fill us up as opposed to draining us. So many people put off these kinds of things when they are extra busy, but it is even more important to find time for loving interactions when we are extra stressed.
4. Practice self-care.  And the same goes for taking care of ourselves. We can’t take care of others, until we’ve taken care of ourselves first. I admit, this is a hard one for me, but at least keeping it in your consciousness is a start. I’m trying to keep my sugar at a minimum, trying to get a little more sleep than normal and writing.  Yoga, exercising, and a little pampering are all great too! Whatever works for you to feel better and less stressed, that’s what you should do. Being a martyr and being resentful doesn’t do anyone any good.
5. If you want to make a job change in 2016, start your resume now. Did you know that January is historically the best time to be hired for a new position?  After the break, the powers-that-be return to their workplace with renewed vigor and examine the personnel needs for the following year. Get a jump on it and have your resume ready to go and ready to impress when you see that job posting.
6. Freshen up your Linked In Profile.  Even if you’re not looking to change jobs or grow your business in 2016, networking is key to do now to lay the foundations for things you might want to do in the future.  And Linked In has become more important than ever in the networking process. Examine your summary.  Does it describe the you of today or five years ago?  Tighten up the language, drop the overused phrases. Look for new contacts.
7. If you own a business, write a 90 day plan.  If you really want to rock 2016 with your business, break your overwhelming business plan down into bite sized pieces.  Set out objectives that are reachable in 90 days with action items for each objective.  Then do it!  At around day 75, plan for your next 90 days. You’ll be surprised at how much you accomplish in a year!
8. Don’t carry toxic people, situations and memories into the new year. Not only is there something very cathartic and healthy about cutting the toxicity out of your life, but there is also something beautifully symbolic about leaving it in the year that has passed.  So, take the time now to cull your Christmas list, purge your Facebook friends (or purge Facebook altogether if it causes you strife) and make up your mind that you are going to create your boundaries now.  If you are divorced, shred all the paperwork and notes other than your decree (you will need that at various times in your life).  And while you’re at the shredder, toss in old cards, letters and journals that are filled with loaded emotions.  Clear it out and move on!
9. Forgive yourself.  Maybe things didn’t go your way this year.  Maybe you even made some bad choices that contributed to that.  Beating yourself up about it won’t change the past. But forgiving yourself and learning from those mistakes will. Use everything you learned to chart a new course for the new year.  Think of every little mis-step and failure as just a stepping stone on the path to success.  We grow the most from our challenges in life.

What are some other things you are going to do to set you up for success in the new year?  I’d love to hear them.

Sue O’Connell, J.D. , College Search Counseling and Transitional Coaching

Change is in the Air

Change is never easy, but it is inevitable.

Just look around you.  It’s that time of year again.  Kids are going back to school, the most obvious of signals that time marches on.  Some are starting a new stage, middle school, high school, or the bigger leap of heading off to college for the first time.  Weather is starting to get a bit cooler.  And it forces a lot of us to think about our own lives and what changes may need to be made.  Is it time to get a new job?  Go back to school and get more skills ourselves?  Make a change in our personal lives?

Change has always been pretty easy for me.  Well, some of it. I embrace the excitement of starting a new venture, or doing home improvements, trying a new experience, a new restaurant or traveling somewhere new and exploring. I am most definitely more fearless than most about change. In fact, I crave much of it. 

But I have to admit, changes that are out of my control are more of a challenge for me.  Recently, our next door neighbors of 12 years moved and my daughter observed that it “felt like family was moving away.”  I felt the same.  Now our neighbors two doors down on the other side have their house on the market and I have to say, I secretly wish their house won’t sell and they will change their minds, or they find another house on our same block. 

And then there is the matter of my daughter being a senior in high school.  I’m already gearing myself up to face a change I really wish I didn’t have to face, the inevitability that when she leaves the nest next year, things will never ever be the same.  Sure, she will come back for breaks.  And I hope she will get a job back in the Chicago area upon graduation. But I will never ever be her touchpoint all day long – that familiar spot she boomerangs back to from wherever she goes multiple times a day.

And what about the deaths of people close to us, especially the sudden deaths?  There have ben a few of those in my world and my friends’ worlds lately too. Intellectually, we all understand that it is out of our control.  But what do we say to that voice inside that makes us want to go back in time and bring that person back, or maybe do things differently?    

For me, acceptance and even embracing change occurs on two levels. On the emotional side, letting go of the longing wish for things to be different is key for me.  It takes work, but basic cognitive psychology tells you that if you change your thoughts, your feelings will follow. I used to always wish that I had a larger family, the kind of family where the mom has everyone over for dinner on Sunday nights like they do on Blue Bloods or that old show Brothers and Sisters.  But I have never had that.  A few years back, a very wise friend pointed out that I should stop being sad about something that I can’t go back in time and capture in my life. Instead, she suggested that I start thinking of myself as the Matriarch of my family and take the opportunity to create and provide for my children that very thing for which I longed myself. That simple and slight shift in how I looked at the issue made me take ownership of it and start to affect changes.

Which brings me to the other thing that helps me to embrace even the change that is out of my control. For the most part, I’m a very practical linear thinker. Some of it is by nature, but some of it is a coping mechanism.  It’s easier for me to deal with things that are out of my control by doing something.  When friends tell me that they are struggling with a health or other crisis, that’s when I spring into action. It not only helps that person, but it helps me to feel some control in a world that for the most part is truly out of our control. 

How do you cope with change?  I’d love to hear your stories. #LifeCoaching #Changemanagement #CollegeSearch

Sue O’Connell, Esq. has a College Search Counseling and Practical Life Coaching Practice in the Chicago area.  She is also the owner of a music booking agency, Crescendo Music Management, Inc.